I am feeling incredibly guilty. My insides are burning up in shame. I want the ground to swallow me up and disappear from this reality. Fuck this shit. How was I supposed to do this? I am mediocre, or much, much less than that.
Wednesday, 8 September 2021
Tuesday, 7 September 2021
07/09/21
We are leaving Gaibandha. I don't feel like leaving, but life demands that I do. I have to pack my bags and prepare for the hassle of the city.
Somehow these last few months of COVID had been the best months in a way, left in solitude, rebuilding a home. Now we are preparing to go back to our normal lives. I know I should be feeling motivated, I haven't felt anything though.
I will have to go back to the university, enroll Noyontara in school. I can see the busy life coming at me and I am scared. Mom needs a check-up and so do I.
On that note, I need to take better care of myself, go to the hospitals, meet up with the doctors, exercise and eat well, all that and more. I just want to lie down and waste away, wait for my demise like a beached whale on an uninhabited island.
All in all, my comfortable bubble is about to burst. I am not looking forward to it.
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