Today could've gone well...

All's well that ends well, then all's bad that ends bad. My day was coming up after weeks in the gutter. I reacted, I should've just held on. 

I cannot be myself, it is a fucking nightmare waiting to rear out, snapping and growling, snarling and ready to tear at my lifeline- my own carotid.

Diary 19/6/21

Midday has passed. I still can't get out of the bed. I have so much to do, but I have no drive. Restless and addicted to disappointment, lethargic and too scared to even try.... I am both, somehow at the same time. 

Will today turn out to be a day at all?